New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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