So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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