we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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