i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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