we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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