I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
