You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
