A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
