I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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