yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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