Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
