dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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