Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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