Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
where am i from again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
