i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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