Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
