he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
