Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
