I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
