I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
