I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
