Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
