4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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