i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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