so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
