i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
