every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
