you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
