Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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