My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
