But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
