i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
