Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think i have herpe
just one?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
