My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
