When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
