Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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