Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
