does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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