Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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