Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
