you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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