Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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