That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
