I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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