There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
