Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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