If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
