I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
