my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
