Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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