Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
