don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
